How to forgive your brother

Forgiveness is possibly the most difficult issue, not only in the church, but in every sense of the word. Within our churches it should not be a difficult word to assimilate, since Christianity is about forgiveness. Before answering how we learn to forgive, we must understand why we should forgive.

We must forgive because Christ forgave us, and forgave us even seeing that condition of terrible sinners. The forgiveness of our Lord had no condition, and this is proof of why we should forgive our brothers. We ask: If Christ forgave our terrible sins, why not forgive our brothers? If the Son of God, who had no sin, extended grace to those who were enemies of God, then how much more should we, who have been forgiven, extend mercy to those around us?

For Jesus, forgiveness was vital in the life of a believer, and He taught this and wanted the people to receive that teaching well. Jesus knew how destructive bitterness is, how it corrodes the heart and damages not only our spiritual life but our relationships with others. That is why He insisted so much on teaching His disciples that forgiveness is not optional; it is a necessity for the health of the soul.

21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Matthew 18:21-22

This is a magnificent response that forgiveness has no limits. Let’s not take literally the expression “seventy times seven” (70 x 7 = 490). It is not that we will be writing down the number of times we forgive and when we reach that number we can stop forgiving. What Jesus implies here is that forgiveness has no limits, we must forgive as many times as necessary.

Peter’s question reflects the human heart: we want limits, we want a point where we can say “enough.” But Jesus elevates the standard and teaches that there is no “enough” when it comes to forgiveness. Why? Because Christ has forgiven us beyond measure. None of us can count how many sins God has forgiven us. None of us can measure how much grace we have received. Therefore, the forgiveness we extend should reflect the forgiveness we have received.

Forgiving does not mean ignoring the pain or pretending that nothing happened. Forgiveness is an intentional act of surrendering the right to revenge and placing the matter in God’s hands. It is choosing not to allow bitterness to take root. It is choosing freedom instead of chains. And this is precisely what Jesus wants us to understand: forgiveness liberates, while unforgiveness enslaves.

Many times forgiveness is difficult because pride gets in the way. We feel that the other person does not deserve forgiveness. But that is exactly the point: forgiveness is never deserved—neither ours nor anyone else’s. We were forgiven by sheer grace, not because we had anything to offer. That is why Jesus told the parable of the unforgiving servant: to show that those who have been forgiven much must forgive much in return.

We should also remember that forgiveness is a process. Some wounds take time to heal. Some offenses require prayer, counsel, and deep reflection before forgiveness can be fully exercised. Yet the call remains: the believer must pursue forgiveness because the believer has been forgiven.

Beloved brothers, the key to forgiving is to understand how Christ forgave us as terrible sinners. When we meditate on the cross, when we remember the price Jesus paid, when we see His love extended even toward those who mocked Him, then our hearts soften. Forgiveness becomes not a burden but a response of gratitude to the mercy of God.

May we ask God daily to give us a forgiving heart, to uproot bitterness, and to remind us that the same grace we need is the grace others around us desperately need as well. Only then can we truly reflect Christ in our relationships and live in the freedom that forgiveness brings.